Have you heard the good news yet? Click here!

Join us in making a difference across he globe!

Police Comments

Who says the police don’t have a sense of humor?  The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual Dallas Police car videos and distributed by Monica Smith, Director DPD Public Relations Officer:

#15. “Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new.  They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

#14.  “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?  In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

#11. “So you don’t know how fast you were going.  I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

#10. “Yes, sir, by all means you can talk to the shift supervisor if you think it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

#9. “Warning?  You want a warning? O.K.  I’m warning you that when you run that stop sign again, I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.  Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7. “Fair?  You want me to be fair?  Listen Pal, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in horsey doo!”

#6. “Yeah, we have a quota.  Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5. “No, sir, we don’t have quotas anymore.  We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

#4. “Just how big WERE those two beers?”

#3 “In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC.”

#2. “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.Ã?  At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

And……………….. THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 “Excuse me ma’am?  Say you thought we didn’t give tickets to pretty women?  Well, you’re right, we don’t.  Now, sign here.”

Support Jest Kidding through our affiliate programs. (Click here to learn more.)