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Bible Jokes

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
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Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
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Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
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Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
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Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
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Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
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Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
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Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
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Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

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Q. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
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Q. Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
A. Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says . . “He-brews”

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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” His mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”
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Some men were discussing the Bible. They were wondering how many apples Adam and Eve ate in the Garden of Eden.

First man: I think there was only one apple in the Garden.

Second man: I think there were ten apples. Adam 8 and Eve ate 2.

Third man: I think there were sixteen apples. Eve 8 and Adam 8 also.

Fourth man: I think all three of you are wrong. If Eve 8 and Adam 82, that would be a total of 90 apples.

Fifth man: You guys don’t know how to add at all. According to history, Eve 81 and Adam 82. That would be a total of 163 apples.

Sixth man: Wait a minute! If Eve 81 and Adam 812, that would make a total of 893 apples.

Seventh man: None of you guys understand the problem in the slightest. According to my figuring, if Eve 814 Adam and Adam 8124 Eve, that would be a total of 8,938 apples in the garden.

At that point all of the men gave up.
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At Sunday School they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?”

Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
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The Drawing

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children as they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she came around to one little girl, who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The little girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

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